Conflict Resolution

       My son recently moved into an apartment off base and decided it was time to “take stock” of his finances and track where his money was going.  In doing so he discovered a rather large payment that was automatically deducted from his account.  Of course he contacted me quite upset with his dilemma of not knowing where this payment was going or for what purpose and assumed I would know the answer and fix it.  My son was using anger and aggression to manipulate me into “fixing” his problem.  My first reactions were to reassure my son that it was very mature of him to get a handle on his finances, recognize his frustration (O’Hair, 2009), and begin formulating a plan to discover where the payment was being sent.  I also used deep empathetic listening (The Center for Nonviolent Communication, n.d.) to hear his frustration.  During our discussion I was very cognizant of the importance of “power with” my son.  I realized he was struggling with a very real financial dilemma and with learning to become independent.  Fixing his problem would undermine his independence.  My course of action was to remain centered on the matter at hand and steer clear of any personal attacks or blaming.  We worked on a cooperative strategy and a compromise by working together (O’Hair, 2009 p. 212).  I began asking probing questions requiring specific and precise answers and specific research to find the answers while always reassuring my son that each step of the way brought us closer to the answer (p.215). 

I knew my son was paying off school loans via direct debit and he said he did not have any other payments made by direct debit.  His first step was to contact the college to determine the source of his loans and then to ascertain the loan company handling the loans.  I maintained a supportive climate providing my son an opportunity to explore these avenues independently while explaining the purpose and remaining focused and calm (p. 204).  My encouragement and support helped my son feel good about the research he was doing to solve his own dilemma, while simultaneously learning important tasks involved in money management.  As it turned out, my son discovered he was paying on a loan he forgot about and the loan required only one more payment!  We arrived at a solution that fully satisfied both of us – win-win!! (p. 216).  

References

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). Foundations of Nonviolent Communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations

Communication

       When comparing my self-evaluation and those of my daughter and friend the one thing that surprised me most was how similar our evaluations were.  I try to be honest and forthcoming with myself and recognize areas I need to improve.  Over the years I worked on becoming more respectful of the viewpoints and intelligence of others and to maintain a good balance between respect and consideration of other’s viewpoints (Rubin, 2009).  Although this was my goal, I was not aware of how others perceive me. 

The postings submitted by my colleagues on the Discussion Board provided many insights into the complexities of schemas and perceptions.  Many of the choices we make in our communication behavior, from the clothes we wear to the way we speak, are determined by the way we want others to perceive us (O’Hair, 2009).  When presenting ourselves in a specific light we must realize others perceive and interpret us based on their own schemas retrieved from their memories (p. 40) therefore others may not grasp the intention of our communication behavior.  Being mindful of this is a reminder to ask questions and listen effectively to ensure our messages are received the way we intend and that we are receiving the intended message of others.  Another way to improve the accuracy of our perceptions is not to rely completely on first impressions, which often lead to inaccurate conclusions (p. 44).

A second insight I gained this week is how first impressions lead to stereotyping.  When answering questions about a picture of a woman many of the answers were based on past experience.  The way the woman dressed evoked memories of particular groups of people that were dressed similarly.  Generalizing the style of dress to fit a particular socio-economic status or educational level prompted placing this unknown woman into one of these categories, thus developing a stereotypical view of her.  Without being mindful of this process it may become natural to continue making assumptions and place people into generalized categories based on stereotypes. 

          Awareness of the process of schemas, perceptions and stereotyping is important in working through barriers to effective communication and acceptance of diversity.  Effective communication and accepting diversity are paramount to working effectively with children and their families.  Being aware of our own schemas and preconceived perceptions will assist us to being sensitive, mindful and respectful of the viewpoint and intentions of others, especially children, their families, and our colleagues.    

                                                  References

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s

Rubin, R. B., Palmgreen, P., & Sypher, H. E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge

Strategies to Communicate More Effectively

          One aspect of my job involves visiting nursing care facilities.  I find that I communicate with the residents of nursing homes differently than I do with my colleagues at the office.  I tend to stand closer and speak louder and slower than usual.  A strategy I would employ to adjust my communication style to the individual with whom I am speaking is observing body language and visual cues to ascertain if the person is comfortable with how close I am standing to them and if they are able to hear my voice and grasp what I am saying when talking at a normal volume and pace.  By focusing on the other person and adapting my communication style the other person will feel at ease, making effective communication more likely (Beebe, 2011). 

A second strategy to developing effective communication skills when working with elderly individuals is to ask questions.  Asking questions is a simple technique to confirm the accuracy of assumptions, such as nursing home residents are hard of hearing.  It helps reduce uncertainty and helps both parties develop greater understanding (p. 106).  Taking the time to listen effectively to the answers increases trust and allows the other person to feel respected.

The third strategy I would use to communicate more effectively with individuals residing in nursing homes is to establish common ground (p. 105). The person with whom I may be communicating grew up in a different era than I and eliminating the communication barriers may not be possible; however finding common ground to build a new dialogue combining both our cultures may create a common understanding to develop meaningful communication (p. 107).

My experience working with people residing in nursing homes is that the time and effort taken to establish a rapport supportive of effective communication is that the reward is overwhelming.  I once spoke to a marvelous woman that told me her story of traveling cross country by hopping freight trains.  Priceless!

Reference

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon

Smash

          Monday night I sat in front of the TV to watch a program I never watched before.  I do not own a VCR or recorder, so I watched part of the program with no volume and part with volume.  I do not watch a lot of TV so I do not know the names of the actors.  The first part of the show began with a group of people sitting in a theatre facing the stage.  A man and woman stood on stage talking.  Based on facial expressions and body language the atmosphere was tense.  No one was smiling and conversations were short and did not appear to be warm.  The scene changed to a couple standing outside conversing.  The man rolled his eyes at what the woman was saying.  The woman walked away.  My impression was that they were not happy with each because their facial expressions were stern.  The scene changed to a group of men and woman sitting in a lobby talking.  The woman that was just outside was part of the group.  The group looked a little drained, as at the end of a busy day.  The next scene was of a different man and woman talking in a bedroom.  The woman put her head down on her hands and the man kissed the top of her head.  He looked pensive, not loving as his lips were tightly pressed together.  The last scene I watch with no volume was a different couple outside arguing.  He looked sad as she pushed him away.  He attempted to kiss her.  My overall impression was that tonight’s episode (Monday night) was about tension between the characters and they are not a happy group.  (NBC (Network), 2012).

          With the volume turne on the next scene I watched was back on stage.  A man was playing the piano and the woman I had just seen outside named Julia was telling him, “I could kill you.  Do you know what he was saying to me?”  Julia was in tears.  The atmosphere was tense.  The program ended with the characters walking into church to hear one of the characters sing.  Everyone was relaxed and with their family.  Julia’s husband was with her.  Julia smiled revealing a much different impression than previously.  The couple from the bedroom also attended the church service.  In fact, she was one of the singers.  While sitting in a pew watching her sing her partner exchanged a glance with a blonde sitting in a different pew – the look indicated that there are feelings between them.  After watching the program with volume, my impression was that the program is about relationships and roles people play within their everyday lives as well as on stage.  (NBC (Network), 2012).

          What I learned by watching Smash without volume and then with volume was how revealing our eyes and facial expressions such as smiling, frowning, and a lips-tight stern look are when communicating.  I was also reminded of why I do not watch much TV. 

Reference

NBC (Network). (05/07/2012). Smash [TV program].

Competent Communication

          A colleague at work demonstrates competent communication.  An attribute she exhibits that stands out as very effective in her workplace communications is that she attempts to understand a particular situation while evaluating and respecting other’s input before making a response (O’Hair, 2009).  Many times she interjects with probing questions prefaced by, “May I ask…”  During individual conversations and meetings my colleague maintains eye contact and usually sits leaning slightly forward demonstrating her interest. Her behavior at work is professional indicative of her ability to determine the appropriateness for the particular culture and situation (p. 19). 

          I admire my colleague’s ability to communicate effectively and would like to model her competent communication processes.  My friend’s ability to demonstrate professionalism is apparent in her verbal communication as well as her appearance.  I believe appearance enhances the effectiveness of communication.  We portray an image by our vocalizations, listening skills, body language, and appearance.  My colleague is adept at “behavioral flexibility” (p. 19), a skill I admire and strive to achieve.  I remind myself frequently to practice better listening skills and monitor my verbal and non-verbal interactions in a culturally sensitive manner.  I appreciate my colleague’s honesty and respectfulness in her communications and strive for the same.

Reference

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s

Professional Hopes and Goals

     My hope working with children and families from diverse backgrounds is to play an active role in making the playing field level so every child has an equal opportunity to reach his or her fullest potential.  I hold the vision that every child and family can be empowered to recognize diversity as an enrichment and use opportunities to learn from one another.  Stereotypes, microaggressions, and the “-isms” can and will be recognized as well as the role each person plays to perpetuate these unfair and biased attitudes.  Children and families will be empowered to advocate and work to diminish inequities and become active participants making society more equitable for all children.

     A goal I would like to set for the early childhood field is that awareness of diversity, microaggressions, and the “-isms” becomes common knowledge.  This can be accomplished by targeting awareness on all levels, including early childhood programs, the school systems, and adults.  Education of the general public so that the “-isms, and diversity become common knowledge involves participation of the media and technology used by children and adults.  The media, technology, and education curriculums on all levels will be targeted as instrumental in achieving equity and social justice so that every child may reach their full potential.

     I do not feel I can be brief in expressing my gratitude to my colleagues in this class.  We have shared personal stories and private emotions with each other.  We have touched each other’s lives.  I have grown and become so much more sensitive not only to the pain microaggressions cause but also to the joy of embracing diversity.  My circle of friends has become more diverse and I am able to form deeper and fuller relationships.  Thank you for helping me gain an understanding of the day to day trials and tribulations of implementing diversity in early childhood settings.  Thank you for helping to grow alongside each of you!  

Welcoming Families From Around the World

     I am working for a child care center and we are preparing for a new student whose family just migrated from Benin, Africa and I was informed he will be placed in my room.  I was told that Benin is located in West Africa bordered by Togo and Nigeria.  The climate is tropical and Benin is sub-Saharan.  The main industry is agriculture.  My new student, Claudio will speak French, a language I do not speak.   I immediately begin researching the culture of Benin, the types of schools and family attitudes toward education.  I am also interested in learning about the music and foods of Benin and research if foods can be purchased locally.  Of particular interest is the family structure and religions of the country.

     There is an employee of the child care center that works part-time in the kitchen and speaks French fluently.  I make arrangements for this employee to assist me communicating with Claudio and his family.  I ask her to teach me a few phrases and words that will be helpful in meeting my new student’s needs during his transition into the program. 

     After completing my initial research I schedule a meeting with Claudio, his parents and the interpreter.  I am very careful to ensure Claudio and his parents are comfortable and understand what is spoken.  My goal is to ascertain their goals for Claudio and to explain the child care’s goals so we may work together to combine and incorporate their goals into the curriculum.  We discuss their family culture, their views about education, and their customs and foods, special toys that Claudio may share with classmates or that may be purchased by the center as well as special holidays and religions celebrations. The family shares that Claudio has several favorite books from Benin that he would be willing to share.  With the interpreter’s assistance, we discuss how the family handles discipline and discuss the guidelines used by the center.  We also discuss Claudio’s learning style within the family and the general learning styles that are prominent in the schools in Benin. I ask Claudio and his parents to suggest changes we could make in the classroom to reflect their culture and help Claudio feel more comfortable and at home.  Claudio’s mom agrees to volunteer in the classroom twice a week and his father will volunteer one day a week.

     Claudio’s family provided many suggestions for books, learning materials, and snack foods that reflect their country and customs.  I begin ordering books, including audio books in French and English as well as posters and several new games and toys that Claudio’s parents suggested.  The interpreter helps me add French words to all the items that are labeled around the room.  We plan a snack menu that includes some of Claudio’s favorites.  I schedule a meeting with the center director and other teachers to discuss incorporating suggestions and ideas Claudio’s parents made into our curriculum.  I plan to discuss the differences in the learning styles and discipline and to seek guidance, suggestions, and participation of the staff.  I share that I would like to add music around the world to our plans so that the children can make musical instruments, including some used in Benin.

     Last, I sought permission for the kitchen staff interpreter to spend time in our room, especially Claudio’s first day, to assist with the language barrier.  I shared all the information I gathered and learned with my children and together we planned to make Claudio’s first day a special day for him.

     My hope is that Claudio and his family will have a smooth transition into the culture of the center and our room.  We will assist Claudio to be proud of his heritage and language while learning a new culture and making new friends.  My knowledge of cultural diversity will be broadened and I hope to broaden the students’ views and knowledge of diversity as well. 

Resource

Smidt, S., (2006). The Developing Child in the 21st Century: A Global Perspective on Child Development.